Mean coworker uninvites new hire from colleague's office wedding shower, gets angry when she tells the big boss: 'She sent an e-mail out banning parties of any kind during work hours.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 10, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Who doesn't love a good office party? You get the chance to talk to that coworker you see every day but never work with, gorge yourself on free food, and anxiously contemplate on the drive home whether you were fun in a professional or unprofessional way. I don't really trust offices that have office happy hours and parties multiple times a week, but enjoying the social company of your coworkers every once in a while is a solid way to build camaraderie and create memories that don't involve the water cooler being broken or the toilet being broken. 

Some office parties involve celebrating something specific rather than vague happy hours. It's not uncommon for people to have baby showers, wedding showers, or going-away parties for longtime employees. Obviously, those gatherings aren't going to be as intimate as the showers and parties you'd have for your non-coworker friends, but they are valuable regardless. 

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  • The bride-to-be in this story wanted her office wedding shower both ways. She wanted only her closest coworker friends attending her wedding to attend the shower, and stiffed the new hire from eating cake in the conference room. When the boss found out, she was understandably angry.

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    Cheezburger Image 10478319360
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITAH for telling my boss that I wasn't invited to the party?

    | (26F) just started at a new job. I quickly realized that one of my colleagues, "Marie" is engaged and is getting married within the next 2 months. It seemed like the whole office was attending the wedding. I absolutely did not expect an invite. She just met me, weddings are planned in advance, venues booked, etc. My friend
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 03
    actually just got married so I saw first hand how it all worked. I could tell Marie wondered if I was expecting an invitation and was hesitant to bring up the wedding around me, but I just never made it a big deal. I don't feel left out in the slightest.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 04
    Then, I got CC'd on an e-mail from someone that the office, Joan, throwing Marie a shower during our lunch hour in the breakroom in a couple of weeks. Joan was sending out a collection so we could give a group gift (cash) to Marie. They also suggested we make it a potluck.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 05
    Joan included her Venmo and also asked we e-mail back with what we planned on bringing. Even if I'm not going to the wedding, I still believe everyone deserves to be celebrated and Venmo'd the $20, as well as sent a reply saying I'd bring lasagna.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 06
    A little later, I saw the $20 had been returned to my Venmo and Joan approached my desk. She said I didn't need to contribute. I said even if I'm not attending the wedding, I'd still like to give Marie a little something. Joan looked a little awkward and hemmed and hawed but then eventually said "You're not invited to the shower". I was confused. I
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 07
    said "I can't go in the company breakroom on lunch hour?" She said yes. I asked where am I supposed to go? I don't drive (I take public transit to/from work), we don't really work near anywhere I could go to quickly for our lunch hour. She said I could stay at my desk. I pointed out this was a little exclusionary. Joan said.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 08
    Marie didn't want me to assume I was invited to the wedding. I said I don't at all. I completely understand I haven't worked here long and we're not close enough. I'm not hurt by that. She said that's great, but I still can't come. I asked if I had done anything to offend Marie and she said no. She
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 09
    just doesn't want me "getting my hopes up". I finally let it go and just said fine, have a good party. The day of the shower, I sat at my desk during the party while everyone else went, eating my lunch alone. One kind person snuck me a piece of cake.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 10
    Halfway through the party, the "big boss" came in. She usually doesn't work on Fridays, so it was a surprise to see her. She saw me sitting at my desk and asked why I wasn't at the party. I told her I hadn't been invited. She was
    via u/Far_Pay8487
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    Cheezburger Image 10478319872
    via Amy Hirschi

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    clearly perturbed by this. Later on, she sent an e-mail out banning parties of any kind during work hours. A few people, Joan and Marie included, realize I'm the one who told. They've now turned on me.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 13
    Some friends say I'm in the wrong here and that I should've lied to the big boss and said I was busy with work to finish or something, so as not to ruin it for everyone else. AITA?
    via u/Far_Pay8487
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    Cheezburger Image 10478320128
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    Armadillo_of_doom • 16h ago NTA They used company resources and excluded someone in the company. That's against HR policy I'm sure. They didn't "not" invite you, they deliberately *blocked* you from going and TOLD you to stay at your desk.
    via u/Armadillo_of_doom
  • 16
    They deserved what they got. Time to grey rock them. "Sorry, boss asked me a direct question and I assumed you were going to tell her the truth so I wasn't going to lie and possibly get in trouble." Marie and Joan are mean girls. Period. Document any retaliation asap.
    via u/Armadillo_of_doom
  • 17
    childhoodsurvivor u/Far_Pay8487 Your boss was angry and banned office parties probably because she is trying to prevent a hostile work environment, which is precisely what is happening now that the others are starting to harass you in retaliation. Please document everything and report it to your boss and HR. CYA always.
    via u/childhoodsurvivor
  • 18
    montauk6 Totally agree, and please, OP, make double-dog sure to save the email invitation which you WERE cc'ed on.
    via u/montauk6
  • 19
    LooseLossage boss probably took it up with organizers directly. no need to escalate unless they escalate further, i don't know what 'turned on me' entails (edit: specifically), would document that carefully in case it is needed. you can't commandeer company property for a private party, that's wack. lying to cover for them would have made OP look like kind of a j aloof, and not a team player
    via u/LooseLossage
  • 20
    One-Revolution-9670 Not how that works. A work shower is for everyone, not just people invited to the wedding. Joan is clueless about office etiquette.
    via u/One-Revolution-9670
  • 21
    TaylorMade2566 It wasn't just Joan, she was just the messenger, this was all from Marie. Who the h I pointedly refuses to invite someone to a party at work? They both sound insufferable
    via u/TaylorMade2566
  • 22
    mojojo927 also the phrase "She doesn't want anyone getting their hopes up" is just weird. Why would anyone get their hopes up about attending the wedding of someone they barely know. Marie is acting like her wedding is the event of the century and anyone not invited should feel unworthy. I wouldn't apologize to either Joan or Marie. Op did nothing wrong.
    via u/mojojo927
  • 23
    TootsNYC I could see Marie saying "I don't feel comfortable with her giving money since I didn't invite her. I don't want her to think that I was supposed to invite her and her her feelings. So maybe she shouldn't come so she doesn't feel obligated." And Joanne went overboard But who knows.
    via u/TootsNYC
  • 24
    yoyo_Reddit_yoyo Exactly. A work shower is for colleagues, not just wedding guests. Joan missed the mark.
    via u/yoyo_Reddit_yoyo
  • 25
    MrsKuroo Also, you can't ban someone from the company breakroom for a private event. Every employee has just as much right to use the break room as any other employee. If they really want to have a bridal shower, you either invite every employee in the workplace if it's during business hours and in the company break room or you find a different day and time and place to have it.
    via u/MrsKuroo
  • 26
    NYCStoryteller NTA. They're the ones who f ed around and did an exclusionary thing. You didn't tattle on them to the big boss, the boss asked you why you were sitting at your desk/weren't at the party, you explained. All Marie had to do was be a gracious person and include you in the office gathering. You were fine with a $20 contribution and lasagna, and she didn't have to be weird about you not going to the wedding. Joan and Marie are the AHs here.
    via u/NYCStoryteller
  • 27
    QuestioningHuman_api I would have told the real truth and just said that Joan and Marie specifically asked me not to go and to stay out of the break room during lunch. It's not OP's job to lie for her coworkers. In fact, it's wrong to do so.
    via u/QuestioningHuman_api
  • 28
    zeeelfprince WHY WERE YOU CC'D ON THAT EMAIL FOR VENMO PAYMENT/ASKING FOR "WHAT ARE YA'LL BRINGING" IF YOU WEREN'T INVITED? That's enraging
    via u/zeeelfprince
  • 29
    Far_Pay8487 OP There are "e-mail groups" that make it easy to CC everyone on a group e-mail. I assume they forgot to delete me from it and then things were awkward. But I also wonder what the plan was day of if I hadn't gotten the e-mail? If I just walked into the breakroom to have my lunch and there was this party? Would they have asked me to leave? It's just very weird.
    via u/Far_Pay8487
  • 30
    Dr_Kabong You weren't not invited. You were invited, uninvited, mean girled, and now you're in a hostile work environment for telling the truth. Time to go to HR and lay it all out. Welcome to office politics, time to cover your a.
    via u/Dr_Kabong

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terrible coworkers boss employee offices new hire coworkers shower big boss employees karen coworker Office wedding Party parties wedding shower coworker
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